What Anxiety, Faith, and a Rollercoaster Taught Me About Surrender
I still remember that night.
Pregnant, terrified, unvaccinated, trapped in the middle of the Omicron surge.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep.
And I thought… this is it. I’m dying.
Every night felt like a battle I couldn’t win.
That suffocating feeling. The racing heart. The panic that comes out of nowhere.
It was like drowning in fear I couldn’t explain.
When Fear Took Over
In 2021, I was pregnant with my daughter.
Because I found out early, around six weeks, I couldn’t get vaccinated yet.
I had to wait until my second or third trimester, and every day, the fear grew louder.
What if I get sick?
What if my baby doesn’t make it?
What if something happens to me?
At night, the thoughts would spiral:
I can’t breathe. This is it. I’m dying.
I’d pray to pass out just to make it stop.
But it never did.
Then came the lifelines, wellness webinars at LRC, stories from others who had walked the same path, and most of all, prayer.
Every night at 8 PM, my husband, my son, and I would pray the rosary together.
And somehow, that peace, even if it was brief, would come.
When I Asked God Why
One night, I broke down.
Tears and exhaustion.
“Lord,” I said, “they say anxiety has a trigger. What am I so afraid of? I just want to understand. I’m so tired.”
And then, quietly, I heard it:
“You’re afraid of dying.”
I froze.
Yes, that was it.
I was terrified of losing everything — my baby, my son, my family, my life.
That night, I surrendered.
I said, “Lord, You know when You will call me home.
But if I can ask… please let me live to see my children grow. Let me serve You while I live.”
And from that night on, the attacks stopped.
Until the day I gave birth.
But after that? Peace.
When Fear Returned
Fast forward to when I moved to Beijing.
I was leaving my family behind and on that flight, I broke down again.
Business class, but crying quietly.
The cabin felt smaller by the second.
I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run.
But I prayed:
“Lord, You brought me here. You got me through before. Help me now.”
And He did.
He taught me how to breathe, slow, deep, steady.
And I was okay.
When Fear Lost Its Power
Every day, I rode the Beijing subway, squeezed in, shoulder to shoulder, barely space to move.
At first, I panicked.
But I practiced deep breathing again.
Now? Easy peasy.
No panic. No fear. Just gratitude.
Then came the real test, a rollercoaster at Universal Studios.
I almost backed out.
“What if I faint? What if my anxiety comes back? What if my heart can’t take it?”
But something in me said:
You can do this, Sheryl. Just breathe.
So I sat. Closed my eyes. Surrendered.
And when it launched —
I didn’t feel fear.
I felt peace.
I even laughed.
Because in that moment, I wasn’t fighting anymore.
I was free!
And I remembered what Johannes told me:
“The trick is to keep your eyes where the motion takes you. Don’t fight it by looking for stability. Just go with it.”
That was it.
Stop resisting. Just flow with it.
And I did.
What God Taught Me About Fear
Here’s the truth:
The battle starts in the mind.
Fear only wins when you believe it.
But when you claim peace, when you declare, “God’s got this,” fear loses its grip.
It’s not about becoming fearless.
It’s about learning to fear less.
Like what Kuya Brian said,
“If you were able to go through the hardest part, everything else becomes easy peasy.”
And that’s true! Because every time I conquer a fear, I’m not just surviving.
I’m strengthening my faith.
For You Who Are Still Afraid
Maybe it’s not a subway or a rollercoaster.
Maybe it’s a diagnosis.
A decision.
A new beginning.
Or something you can’t even name.
I know how it feels to be trapped in your own fear.
But I also know this:
You don’t have to face it alone.
You can pray your way through panic.
Breathe your way through fear.
And trust that even when you can’t see it — God is with you.
Always has been. Always will be.
Anchor Your Heart
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”
— Psalm 56:3
Final Word
Fear doesn’t define you.
Faith does.
You can feel afraid and still move forward.
You can feel anxious and still show up.
You can fall apart and still keep going — because God is the one holding you together.
🟡 Keep going.
You’re not just surviving your fear.
You’re walking right through it — with grace, with grit, and with God.
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